Today I ate like a pig.

Wait let me start at the beginning.

Today I woke up realising that I completely hate my life at this present moment. I basically let all my emotions out on my still-half-asleep boyfriend, yelling about wanting to move back home and quitting school. Let me just say that I have absolutely no intention of ever going back home and I would never quit school...again...but I was so frustrated with everything, and I still am so frustrated with everything, and I wanted to get my point across.

Today I had a horrible day at school. Again...I yelled at my teacher pretty hardcore telling her that she didn't care about any of us or me in particular...I don't really belive that, it seems I'm saying a lot of things I don't mean today.

Today I didn't go to the gym again. My lame excuse today was that I started my period.

Today I smoked a cigarette because I was so stressed even though I quit smoking a few weeks ago.

Today I slashed up my ankle with an exacto blade because I can't handle my life unless I'm high.

And today, I ate like a pig. I ate a lot. Not a lot like my fat days, but a lot for me now.

But I had a nice evening, we went grocery shopping and the house is full of good food, it makes me :) and then I did all the dishes and cleaned the whole kitchen and bathroom. I tidied the living room and the bedroom also. Pretty productive right? :p

I'm determined to have a better day tomorrow. Think positive :)

...that I've been gone so long...I haven't been misbehaving too badly...well maybe a bit, everything's been a little hectic with halloween and everything going on, a lot of candy was eaten, a lot of alcohol was consumed, it was fun. But the past couple of days I've been really trying hard and going to the gym and really getting into an "I can lose weight" mindset. So I'm hoping to go grocery shopping tonight to get some better food and I'm either going to go to the gym everyday or do this workout I found on Youtube everyday. So does anybody know of a good low-cal smoothie recipe? Or some ideas for salads because I'm getting bored with having the same kind of salad everyday.

I got hair extensions today :) They look soo cool.

I didn't eat so well today. I'm feeling really bad about it but really like it's not gonna happen again, I feel like I'll be able to get back on track tomorrow.

Today's Intake:

Breakfast: Bagelful - 190cals
Snack: yogurt - 35cals
Lunch: salad - 50cals
            cheesestick - 60cals
            ricecake - 60cals
Dinner/Snack/Binge: french fries - ???
                                 bagel w/ cheese & margarine - 330cals
                                 granola bar - 110cals
                                 banana - 100cals
                                 english muffin w/ margarine - 210cals

Total: 1145 <--- Grosss :(

I must do better tomorrow.
I will do better tomorrow.